Women have puzzled over it for years-why the heck do men do the
things they do? Why do they profess their love for you one minute, then
ignore you the next (say, when an Attila the Hun special turns up on
TV)? Why can they not remember our birthdays? Let science explain some
of these conundrums-and help you rev up your relationships!
Be patient with his memory
The hippocampus, where initial memories are formed, occupies a smaller
percent of the male brain than the female brain. If on your first date
he can’t remember where you work, even though you told him all about it
when you met, just remember that size matters … hippocampus size, that
is. Don’t take it personally. (Oh, and don’t be surprised when, months
down the line, he has no clue you’ve just changed your hair.)
Don’t expect him to get hints
Have a crush on him? You may have to put it out there, because men
aren’t as skilled at women at reading subtle emotional cues. As Dr.
Larry Cahill of the University of California at Irvine puts it, “We
have been assuming that the ways in which emotions are organized in the
brain are essentially similar in men and women,” but they aren’t. Parts
of the limbic cortex, which is involved in emotional responses, are
smaller in men than in women. Additionally, scientists at McMaster
University have found that guys have a smaller density of neurons in
areas of the temporal lobe that deal with language processing. That’s
why it’s probably a good idea to tell him straight-up how you’re
feeling (”I’m kind of hurt that you forgot I hate sushi”). Expecting
him to infer from your hints could leave both of you scratching your
heads.
Don’t take conversation lulls personally
Fact is, guys in general just aren’t as verbally adept as women are.
Large parts of the cortex – the brain’s outer layer that does a big
part of recognizing and using subtle language cues – are thinner in men
than they are in women. A study led by Dr. Godfrey Pearlson of Johns
Hopkins University has shown that two areas in the frontal and temporal
lobes that play an important role in language processing are
significantly smaller in men. Using MRIs, the Johns Hopkins scientists
measured gray matter volumes in several brain regions in 17 females and
43 males. Women had 23 percent more volume than men in the dorsolateral
prefrontal cortex and 13 percent more volume than men in the superior
temporal cortex. “Women,” explains Dr. Cahill, “excel in being able to
come up with appropriate words, given cues.” Men – not so much. Don’t
expect him to chatter with you on dates with the skill of a girlfriend,
and don’t assume he’s not interested in you if he occasionally lets the
conversation lapse. Think of it this way: He’s simply basking in
moments of quiet companionship.
Appreciate his naturally upbeat nature
Does he seem to be “up” most of the time? It’s not your imagination:
Male brains produce 52 percent more serotonin (the chemical that
influences mood) than female brains, according to a study done at
McGill University. And studies show that fewer men than women suffer
from depression. Guys may also have an easier time rolling with life’s
big stresses. If he tells you he recently lost his golden lab or
suffered a job loss and doesn’t get all teary, it doesn’t mean he’s
heartless; rather, he has healthy stores of serotonin.
Don’t expect his take on your relationship history to match yours
He may be incapable of seeing your shared past the way you do. Brain
images have started to show that men and women use their brains in
vastly different ways. For example, women use the left part of the
amygdala – the part of the brain that creates emotional reactions to
events – to put memories in order by emotional strength, meaning that
something emotionally important to them (like a great first date a
couple of months ago) will be ordered in front of what they ate for
breakfast yesterday. Men, however, use the right part of the amygdala
to put memories in order. Traditionally, the right hemisphere of the
brain is associated with the central action of an event, while the left
hemisphere is associated with finer details. Translation: You’ll both
remember your first date, but he might not remember the color of your
sweater or the light rain that was falling that night. It doesn’t mean
he was checked out; it just means he’s a guy.
Remember his brain is his largest sex organ
In males of several species including humans, the preoptic area of the
hypothalamus is greater in volume, in cross-sectional area and in the
number of cells. In men, this area is more than two times larger than
in women, and it contains twice as many cells. And what, say you, does
this have to do with the horizontal mambo? Plenty. This area of the
hypothalamus is in charge of mating behavior.
This small structure connects to the pituitary gland, which releases
sex hormones. So if your bf wants to get intimate all the time and you
feel like Ms. Low Desire, remember: You’re just experiencing normal,
brain-based differences.
Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor:
The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time. For the other side of this
story, read The Female Brain, Explained.
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